Today, in a way, we celebrate life, since women are the ones bringing children in this world, with the help of men. Yes, with their help, let’s not underestimate their role in all this, nor the greatness. But before we even take a moment to remember that we are here because of our mothers and because our dads were or still are by their sides, let me do a review of what we celebrate today. From my perspective, because I have my own just as well as somebody else has their own.
Happy anniversary to me! I was warned early on in my life that I can’t play football or war or with cars because I am a girl, I should play with dolls and play mum and behave nicely. I had no idea why it was so unusual to go fishing because in the end I loved it, yet everybody had a reason to make fun of me. Except my fishing companions. Then when things got serious I was the one to blame for ending a relationship. Yeah, I abandoned somebody who really needed my help… after years of being together and at least a few of trying, leaving my things and dreams aside and struggling to talk sense into a mature human being and make him realise that drug addiction is bad and it needs to be dealt with yesterday, if possible. But I’m the bailer, how dared I? It’s my fault I didn’t offer the support he needed. Funny he realised this after I walked away and didn’t say that he needs my help while I was still there.
To men I am too young, too old, too skinny, too fat, boobs not big enough, not smart enough, not the right passport, too independent, too talkative, too clingy, too demanding, too crazy, “what do you mean you don’t like to hold hands and make out at rock concerts?” And every now and then I find out that I need to be rescued and treated like I am a helpless princess because I cannot do it on my own and I need a husband and a father to my kids and he’s just the perfect man to do it! Why am I always smiling? Why am I speaking my mind? Why do I have an opinion? Why do I fail? Why am I not flawless?
If I fight for the man that I love and I say what I feel than I have no pride and I am an easy catch, so I am not interesting, I left my guards down, he can walk away, if I am indifferent, I play hard to get than I am frigid. Don’t I know men love playing “catch”? Don’t men know that I don’t like playing and I prefer to be me with the ones I love? Being me is not good, it’s not gonna get me the man I love and I have to watch him play “catch” with another, preferably right under my nose and eyes because hey, that’s life, you win some, you lose some and you just have to take it!
If I go out dating and sleeping around I am either a modern woman or a s**t, depends who you’re asking. If I don’t do this, even though everybody else is doing it, and we all have to be a part of the herd to be accepted though originality is demanded more and more nowadays, it is also faked more and more nowadays, I am old fashioned and close-minded. And of course if I don’t go out dating, how am I going to meet my guy? You know, the one that’s meant for me like in the stories? If I knew the answer to this question I wouldn’t be writing this blog.
And at the end of the day, feeling guilty for bailing on the one who needed me, rejected by the man I love because I had the guts to tell him so, not that because of this he should have felt obliged to love me back, disappointed because in the eyes of some men I am still a helpless woman, disgusted because I hate modern hooking for the sake of not being alone because you’re lame if you drink a glass of wine alone, or sad because again I’ve been labelled as not “fit” for whatever norms, I go home to a cold bed and a dinner alone and some binge-watching on Netflix. Because I am not capable of getting myself a good guy, I don’t put myself out there, I don’t play by the rules, I don’t follow the norms, I don’t fake it and I am… whatever. But I have to hold my head up high and deal with this, besides dealing with life in general, you know, the wake up, look human, go to work, take care of yourself stuff, do what you love and smile, I must play the strong independent woman because if I show signs of weakness I am lame and we live in a world where females are super-women and they have to do everything otherwise somebody somewhere is going to point a finger and start. So happy anniversary to me, aren’t I a tough cookie?
Women’s Day changed a lot since it was just the day I used to buy flowers for my mom. And sometimes she didn’t even seem as happy about it as I wanted her to be, you know, like in the movies, though I know she was, but now I kinda understand what other things were on her mind. Kinda, because I am sure she was worrying about totally different things than what I worry about now, but I guess and hope I’ll get there one day. And worry not, life’s good, life’s life in the end. This is just to show the type of “silly” pressures one feels every now and then, women and men likewise, just that sometimes they don’t seem that “silly”…